Do This in Remembrance of Me

I took Pumpkin to the doc again yesterday -3rd time in 2 weeks...turns out she's having some "lady problems"...um, did you know there was such a thing as a pediatric gynie? Takes all kinds I guess. Usually on the way home I'll offer her a small snack since the wait there can take hours or even days it seems like, and yes, I brought my own clorox wipes to clean off the bench in the exam room. Listening to Christian music on the way home, she pipes up, "Mommy this song is about Jesus!" I was startled that she could articulate the words in the song well enough to decipher them. She continued: "Jesus is in my Bible," -referring to the kids' one my mother bought her for her birthday last month including a nativity scene picture and another pic of the last supper. "That's right, Pumpkin! You're so smart!" She gave me a big grin, held up her Cheez-it and said, " I wanna eat this for Jesus. Just like Jesus at suppertime!" Quickly, I realized she wanted to administer her first communion to herself -she's definitely inherited my mom's crazy church lady genes. I grinned and conceded, "You're exactly right, Baby Doll!" quickly followed by fervent prayers that she will never go to another continent and get caught up in crazy civil wars or bacteria laden rainforest jungles. Pumpkin took a chomp and began chewing and nodding her head in time with the music. Dear God, please keep her 3 forever.

I dropped her off at home to take a good sits bath with Daddy, and headed to Target to pick up the over-the-counter remedies her doc suggested...back to reality. Ugh. Walking in the store, a flurry of Christmas shoppers greeted me. Super. More people hacking up a lung to dodge and scoot past. I'm in a rush, people! Move it along! Gum, got it. Vasaline, got it. Q-tips on sale -sweet, got those. Hand sanitizer, never miss it. Can't find the stuff the doc suggested...great. Up and down, up and down slower, up and down -do they even carry this? Up and down once more before I head to the pharmacy counter. No one around, only one person in front of me...great. She's got more questions?!?! They explain everything ad nauseum at the docs office, lady. Get a tape recorder!! FINALLY my turn comes up, and by now I have an audience behind me waiting for help too. Ofcoarse, they don't have a sign showing people where to wait at this wonderful establishment so strangers can observe some form of privacy in the cramped counter/aisle space. Embarrassed and in a low voice, I squeek out, "Do you carry preparation-h wipes?" quickly followed by "They're for my daughter." And what does the pharmacist ask me??? "Oh, how old is she?" Does it even matter? Does it? If her doc recommends them at the ripe old age of toddler, what safety concerns could there be? I refused to verbally answer the question, so I just showed her 3 fingers low and way the heck in front of me, hoping no one behind me will not only think I have hemorrhoidal problems, but that I'm also trying to lie and place blame on my toddler for it to save face! By now I can feel my ears turning red. She shows me where the wipes are, and then starts pushing the generics on me, comparing any differing amounts of witch hazel and price, as though I needed help. Ofcoarse, the wipes were at the end of an aisle right near the pharmacy counter. I had all eyes from the line I'd finally left following me scrupulously. My solution was clear: I grabbed the branded, thanked the pharmacist (for branding me 'the hemorrhoidal liar') and got the heck outta there. Another awesome day in the life. So I took one for the team, that's what moms do, right? Well, I think I just earned my badge. On the way home, I contemplated how often my hubby's taken one for the team like that. I felt much better after assigning him tampon duty for the next 5 years -if ever I'm out, go get 'em, and just them huney. Done and done.